1. |
Secret Rain
02:35
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there's a secret rain that only soaks the sun,
no it won't show it but trust me when it's done,
it'll sabotage the heat that warms the earth
and you won't experience the sweet rebirth of life
that strains my eyes, and won't stop its attack until i'm blind
you'll be scratching on that itch for years to come,
til your fingers bleed you know it won't be gone,
you'll be holding down the fucked up memories inside your head
until they choose to pack their bags and leave instead
silence is the only way i'll contemplate real feelings
or i'll put them in a song where i articulate
events and dates all wrong,
searching in my room for all the remnants i've been keeping
hoping nobody will see them til i have the courage to dispose of them
and i don't want to deconstruct the things i've learned,
and plus it won't help anyway when tides have turned,
so i'll accept them as a comprehensive lesson and move on,
and learn to tell real demons from dark thoughts
that make themselves seem strong,
that've plagued me all along,
to sing their deathly beckoning songs
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2. |
Sick with Hunger
03:43
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when i awoke in the moonlight,
i stood up and stood tall, on my own
it's just the fire that burns at night, in all of its glowing will find
my body pressed against my peace of mind
then you finally found out why i always look so tired,
always knew my sleepless eyes would tell you what i kept inside,
i'll go out on a walk or something please don't ask to come,
my time alone is lonelier and that's how i prefer it- on my own
certain people just leave you numb,
leave marks as the summer sun
mocks you for not enjoying yourself
it's just what we had in mind for now
is something time won't allow
if we're left and leaving, always breathing out
and now after all i've found in this life,
to keep myself locked down would i fight?
'cause it's not another person that keeps me awake at night,
but a monster sick with hunger in my mind
and hopefully one day i can see myself clearly,
i'll be staring into the distance as the distance stares into me,
it'll figure all my details out upon its first good look
as all my insecurities evaporate with every breath i took
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3. |
Dark Hours
03:00
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write something for yourself to read when you are 40,
will it please you or amuse you to think how far you've come from 21?
the years will pass and days will fade into the calendar
or stay alive and pile up, like a stack of papers about to fall
and disrupt the lonely moments in my room,
where i'm staring at the ceiling
wondering what it is you're feeling,
well i know it won't be good for me to know
and they will ask what happened, but they will never find out
what happens in dark hours in this house
you'll never open up or even knock upon
an unfamiliar door that you don't see each day,
behind your own door you will stay,
but it never occurred to me that a life spent wishing
is a life spent pausing, rewinding
a skipping scene i'll pretend that i'm not in
and they will ask what happened, but they will never find out
what happens in dark hours in this house
and i'll become whatever, a fictionalized failure
when i erase the last remains of doubt
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4. |
Get Lost Forever
05:03
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these dreams will loom in atmospheres above my head
i won't be near to catch them,
distractions shake my cloudy eyes from their hypnotic spell
and i'm awakened
and i just left the rest to you,
you said we'll go get lost forever, find the nicest place to be,
and you said i'll make it home in time you'll see,
but when there's time for me to waste
i'm just stuck looking at your face in pictures of our escapades
you thought i erased from my life years ago
purposefully ambiguous words guided me through sorrow
and i hate that,
you said if i can't love myself the love i have for you
is nothing more than suspect,
when life is about learning to live without
the things we say we can't do without,
when life is about living without learning to settle for
the stress and doubt
and now i'm stuck where it begins,
the world around me closes in,
the world i knew was friendlier back when it was
just me and you in it
summer '13, seven ways to win then quit,
nevermind i'm also tired of all my senseless shit
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5. |
Colder Conversation
03:04
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don't tell me something you don't even believe yourself,
we'll dance around the tension seeping through our skin
into the room where we both stand and smile,
as you think you stare into me, but you stare into an outer shell
that i've built up to save me from the world
and i wont feel at home
until i'm back,
hiding behind trees and cars
and hoping you wont see me i'll attack
the awkward lack of skills in conversation i've picked up
from shutting in,
in sorting out my life i'll push away the people that helped me begin
searching for a crack to stick my fingers into,
like i reach into your life
though i know that you don't want me to,
therapy means different things to a different many people
so i'll lock myself in silence in a room with no windows for escape
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6. |
Second First Chances
04:54
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the train leaves at dawn and if we close our eyes now
we'll miss it,
the tickets expire like all the water on the sand
on the islands of memory where i subsist on a diet
of whatever fills me up sufficiently to get to you
all of these songs are in tune but strum dissonant chords in
a deafening chamber of mind-racing thoughts that promote
a magnified image i thought was my one true desire-
one that got old and faded when time filled the room up with smoke
and i'll find what it's worth to me to keep taking
these second first chances that leave me alone on my floor,
i'll be upright no more,
disaster will strike in the night if i let it,
with open arms i will invite all the things i deserve,
and i wont say a word
i'll sever the parts of my life that need to be dismembered,
though painful and bloody after the first cut i wont feel it,
i'll put on my jacket and head for the door where you're standing
with a map to remind me of all of the places that we won't go
after a few weeks i was all in, you had me you knew it,
but something awoke in my restless confusion too late,
what once was all i had to lose and to brighten my days with
became the portrayal of everything that i now hate
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7. |
G13
03:43
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you walk through structures that construct hate,
as i tumble down the stairs.
the beams just wither until they break,
my broken bones just cant compare
but i dwell on problems i cant change,
they keep me locked to my bed.
i know you don't like to talk much,
at least with me like you said
debrief your thoughts over red wine,
and find a reason that works,
for you to justify actions
towards all the people you've hurt
and maybe i wont ever move on,
what keeps us hurtling forwards?
if i'm content with being stagnant,
is that movement after all?
well i know what it takes to fight through
and carry weight in this world
and i've carried love for you through countries,
and i've found a place i don't feel small
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